Oh that magic feeling...

Oh that magic feeling. Nowhere to go.
But, oh that magic feeling! Nowhere to go, nowhere to go

[insert video]

For me, this line in Abbey Road has always been an important point in the album. Aside from being a beautiful piece of music, it has always held special meaning for me, and I consider it the most important part of the most important album the Beatles created.

"Out of college, money spent. See no future, pay no rent. Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go."

When I first heard this song, I was just out of college, but was anything but stress-free. It was a fun yet difficult time, where I was working a job I didn't like. So hearing that glorious declaration "oh that magic feeling, nowhere to go" took me away to a distant place, somewhere special, where there was nothing to do and nobody to please. The sort of freedom felt when I was on a summer break, but without the boredom, filled with zest. But it was always so far away, and the escape as fleeting as the moment in the song itself. Even when I could get there, I couldn't stay for long.

Fast-forward to a couple weeks ago, about 10 years from the time I first heard it, and I was in the middle of a meditation retreat. It was a fun yet difficult one (as most are), and I found myself feeling much joy, but also incredible strain. As usual, I was striving to improve my situation, to get better, to find a happy place. I was doing my best to meditate properly, and stay with my breath. But it was incredibly difficult, and no matter how still my mind got, it was filled with tension and strain from trying to improve. I had headaches and jaw pain just from this tiny wish to be somewhere a little better, a little happier.

But as with all things, the ending of the retreat came. With a day left, we sat outside, and something in my mind clicked. "It's over, you're not going to get anywhere. You're not going to get anything. Give it up." And with that, there was a dramatic feeling of relief. The whole character of the retreat changed after that. I was happy to be there. I was happy to be anywhere, really. Happy to be wherever I was. Love and joy filled almost every moment.

And as I sat eating lunch, love deepened. It was a radiant love that reached the deepest depths inside myself, and the farthest reaches of the universe. I knew there was nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to be. And the song rang out, with the bells chiming in my head:

"Oh that magic feeling, nowhere to go"

Tears of joy streamed down my face as I recognized the deep truth that I had buried for so long -- there wasn't anywhere to go but here, nothing to be but who I am.

Although we travel far and wide to find what we seek, we always return to a place called home.

And of course, that's not the end of the story. Now that I'm back at work, I leave home again. But I'll be back.